My Immortal Commentary
by Unknown Writer of Love
Summary: My Immortal by Tara Gilesbie is known as one of the worst fanfics ever. So, the noob fanfic author is going commentate on it. Read and Review.
1. Chapter 1

**Many, many people have done this. I'm going to do it too. If you haven't figured out what this is you are stupider than I thought. By the way, I believe you're highly intelligent people. Not kidding.**

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AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik)**(Nope, don't get it)** 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling**(If so, they didn't do the AN. It was probably you, Tara)**. U rok! Justin**(Beiber)** ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!**(By the way, MCR stands for My Chemical Romance)**

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Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way**(This explains the reference in TRAOSTG)** and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name)**(of course)**with purple streaks and red tips**(Huh.)** that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears**(tears don't have colors)** and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.**(I'm sure there are people with a fetish for that. However, fucking your brother or any other family member for that matter is illegal and is called incest. Just saying) **I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white**(You mean that you have normal human teeth? I guess that's not completely out of the ring. Evangeline is a normal human by day)**. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen)**(NO SHIT)**. I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell)**(I couldn't.)** and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there.**(By the way, I've been in a hot topic, and they have all sorts of other stuff there too, including Pokemon T-shirts)** For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots.**(I don't give a shit)** I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation**(umm...why?)**, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun**(so you won't sparkle)**, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.**(I'd punch her the same way Hermione punched Draco)**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!**(Huh. I just mentioned him)**

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.**(That may be OOC, but it would be what I would say to my crush in the same way)**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.**(Nothing specific?)**

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AN: IS it good?**(No.)** PLZ tell me fangz!

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**So, that was the first chapter. Review please. Alert please. Follow please. Flames are welcome.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank me for my short authors notes. **

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Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666**(who is this)** 4 helpin me wif da chapta!BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!**(I don't think I'm going to stop)**

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The next day I woke up in my bedroom**(really? I woke up in an THIS JOKE IS IN EVERY MY IMMORTAL COMMENTARY!)**. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had.**(You're a vampire, you need to drink blood directly from a victim)** My coffin was black ebony**(welcome to the Department of Redundancy Department)** and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas**(She didn't mention having any underwear. Speaking of which, I heard on the bus on my way home from school where I heard my crush slept nude. Gee, I hope she doesn't read this)**. Instead, I put on a black leather dress,**(I DON'T FUCKING CARE!)** a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings**(how many pairs of earrings does this freak have?) **in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes.**(WRONG ORDER)** She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt **(I don't give anything)**with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.**(You're a prep, aren't you?)**

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.**(You have no blood)**

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.**(Yeah, you don't like him)**

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.**(They're a Muggle Band!)**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.**(That's not specific enough)**

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.**(That's not the way you respond to an invitation to a concert) **

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** Review please. Alert please. Follow please. Flames are welcome.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I've decided to continue this commentary. There's not really anything else to say. Enjoy.**

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Chapter 3.

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK!**(EVERYBODY FLAME!)** odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws**(In case anyone was wondering about the good reviews, they were all TROLLS!)**! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.**(I actually like the song featured in this chapter)**

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On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels**(don't care.)**. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets**(still don't care)**. Then I put on a black leather minidress**(I really don't need to know this.)** with all this corset stuff on the back and front. **(This isn't the Hogwarts uniform, in case you're wondering) **I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky.**(How DO you make long hair spiky)** I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists**(I don't...wait a minute...where did that come from?)**. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding**(You must be able to deal with tremendous amounts of pain) **and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. **(YES, TONS!)**Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway.**(then why did you put it on in the last two chapter)** I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.**(YOU NEED TO SUCK BLOOD FROM A VICTIM)**

I went outside.**(ORLY?)** Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car.**(That's a muggle invention)** He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants**(don't care)**, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.**(If you're depressed, then don't use exclamation points)**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz**(The flying car in the series was a Ford Anglia, idiot!)** (the license plate said 666**(You can't do that.**) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson**(You're probably going to hear those songs again at the concert)**. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs**(don't follow their examples)**. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.**(BOOOORRINNG)**

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood  
They're all so happy you've arrived  
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
She sets you free into this life.**(I actually kind of like that song)**" sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.**(You don't say that to your date!)****  
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Suddenly Draco looked sad.**(See!)**

"What's wrong**(Ebony, you should know)**?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.**(Now you realize? Wow.)**

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.**(Excuse me while I go and throw up. *walks away to the garbage can*)**

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff**(They've broken up since. But there's another question. If, according to Ebony, the goths and preps are engaged in Conflict Ball, then why is a prep dating a goth?)**. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. **(I'm currently listening to Stevo the Human's reading of "Reimu fights the bad guys of adrkness"! I suggest you check it out. Also, if you want to read the fanfic itself, Talos Angel has it up! Random suggestion)**So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them.**(They denied your request because you're creepy!)** We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back**(you're drunk, aren't you?)** into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest!**(HUH!)**

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**Review, please.**


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